


Changing Seasons

by kasuga (tokiwa)



Category: InuYasha - A Feudal Fairy Tale
Genre: Angst, F/M, Possibly Unrequited Love, Post-Canon, slow plot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-20
Updated: 2015-12-24
Packaged: 2018-05-07 21:52:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5471990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokiwa/pseuds/kasuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kohaku, now a teen, was in love, and should he realize it, calamities would start befalling him. Post canon timeline, Kohaku/Kagome</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Women

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to explore their relationship dynamic a bit better. Am I perhaps a bit too hopeful with this pairing? Who knows.

The women in Kohaku's life were all vastly different.

The first person to come to his mind when he thought about giving an example was probably his sister. Sango shared his flesh and blood, and took care of him when he was young. He was without a mother figure in his life, but she filled the void by being everything to him. She was his rival, his playmate, his sibling, his ally. Naturally, he loved her and felt like she was the closest person to him. When the memories of him slaughtering his family came back to him, his resolve grew firm. He would avenge them at the cost of his life, he thought without regrets. But that wasn't what Sango wanted.

Nor was it what the priestess Kikyou wanted either. This woman had kept him alive by purifying the Shikon shard that had been embedded in his neck. She had also granted him a second life. She was enigmatic, and her face was cold, but she always had good intentions. He found it hard to find a flaw in her, grew fond of her even, in the short period of time where he accompanied her. She wasn't one of this world, and truthfully, neither was he, but his flesh was real and hers was not. He did not grieve when she passed. He knew it was to come. What he felt for her was profound respect.

He did not know much about Kaede, Kikyou's younger sister, but she was good to him. She was good to everyone. Her age had taken its toll on her, but she remained strong. She was always a bit harsh with Inuyasha, but she cared. She treated him and his companions well. He was grateful for that, and also grateful that Kaede let his sister settle in her village.

Rin. Another companion of his, under the protection of a powerful demon named Sesshoumaru. She was younger than him, and her eyes were filled with happiness he thought he could no longer attain. Seeing her put him at peace. She was like a younger sister, and he had protected her throughout their travels. Kohaku thought that would be what having a younger sibling would be like, but she was not very selfish, unlike children her age. Apart from not being able to defend herself, she could probably survive alone in the wilderness. He thought she was clever.

Finally, Kagome came to mind. Honestly, he had no idea how to piece it into words himself. She was quite obviously different but also very similar to Kikyou. It seemed quite natural for him to like her as she was his sister's close friend. She did not hide much and voiced her opinions and concerns openly. He believed she possessed some sort of strength of spirit. He never really talked to her much, but he knew she was a good person.

It was only until Naraku's defeat that his mind changed. There was something about her, but his immature mind could not grasp it. He was only eleven, and she, at fifteen, already an adult. Perhaps he saw her as another sister figure, he could not quite place it.

And then she disappeared.

His sister's companions seemed to grieve for a while, despite knowing she was probably doing fine in the world "beyond the well" as they described it. While Inuyasha moped, his sister's family grew, and his need for freedom too. He started training on his own, forgetting about her and his own confusion for a good three years.

* * *

Fourteen now, his face had ripened into one of a young man. He was no longer a boy. Hearing news of his sister's newborn child, he dropped by the village to visit. Still clothed in his slayer garb, he walked over to his sister's hut. Among the voices he heard as he approached, one was quite clearly his sister's. He called out to her, and when he received permission, he entered the hut to greet her.

What he had not expected was seeing Kagome's bright eyes again. She smiled at him and he felt his heart flutter. That feeling he did not understand a few years back could finally be placed. He shifted in his boots uncomfortably after exchanging a few words and exited. He beckoned for Kirara. He needed a moment to clear his thoughts.

He returned to the village a few hours later, just in time to catch the sunset over the rice paddies. Farmers had begun to retire for the day into their huts, their farming implements hauled over their shoulders. Reluctantly, he did too. Kohaku dismounted and walked along the dirt path home. He had promised his sister to return for dinner and to stay over at least a couple of days. She said she missed him. And in reality he did too.

Again, he called out to his sister and stepped into the hut. The smell of the stew made his stomach rumble. Inside, Sango was sitting against the wall with Miroku, caring for their youngest child. The two twins were occupied with their bowls, and Kagome stirred the pot. She ladled some of its contents into a bowl and handed it over to Kohaku wordlessly, smiling. For the first time in a while, he felt warm.

"Kirara!" she laughed, holding the now tiny cat demon in her arms. "It's been so long."

Kohaku put the spoon to his lips too soon, the stew burning his tongue. He winced as he watched Kirara settle on Kagome's lap. "And Inuyasha?"

She placed her bowl beside her, interrupting Kirara's light slumber. She shook her head. "I don't know." Kagome made no movements to retrieve her bowl again. She looked down at the floor and stroked Kirara gently. "He'll be back soon so if you have a message to relay to him, you can tell me."

"No, it's nothing."

He sensed the tension in the room, finished his bowl quickly, and excused himself. The cool air outside was a contrast to the warmth inside. It brought him back to his senses.

"Kohaku-kun, it's really been a while hasn't it? How you've grown." Kagome had followed him outside, accompanied by Kirara. She stretched beside him.

"I am fourteen now," he stated blankly, unsure of what to say.

"With a face like that I was sure you were older," she exclaimed.

Due to his training, he was much more muscular than the teens in the village. He looked more rugged. More manly. And he was more silent. He offered her no reply.

"Are you seeing anyone?" Kagome asked innocently, curiously. Village life was boring. She wanted to know about what people outside the village were up to.

"No, but..." _but I'd like to_ , were unspoken words. While she waited patiently for him to continue his sentence, he started a new one altogether. "It's been three years, Kagome-sama. I didn't think I would see you again."

"I didn't think I'd see anyone else again. But I hoped. And now here I am."

The wind picked up. It was a little chilly for this time of the year. Kagome buried her hands into the now-transformed Kirara's fur. The large demon shielded them from the elements, allowing them to continue their talk.

"You have changed," Kohaku pointed out. "You have become wiser, no doubt?"

She let a chuckle escape from her lips, "Age does these things to you. I am eighteen after all." She looked straight at him and smiled. "Perhaps being with granny Kaede influenced me a bit too much. I've learned a lot from her, but there is always more."

He silently listened on to her rambling.

* * *

She was eighteen, and he was only nearing his fifteenth year. He did not know why he was feeling so uneasy about it. The feeling he could place in his pubescent heart, however, was one that of love and admiration. He would only discover why he was frustrated in the following year.


	2. Light

Kohaku frequently returned to the old slayer village, paying respects to his lost clan members as well as clearing out debris. He eventually wanted to revive the village and bring his sister's family back. Carrying the broken rubble was much easier now with his more developed physique. Satisfied with his work, he lit a fire, burning pieces of wood that were not reusable. He was ready to start rebuilding.

He avoided returning to his sister's village due to their constant nagging. They thought he was too focused on his job as a slayer to find his own happiness. They wanted him to finally settle down and have a family of his own. He remembered Kagome protesting, saying that he was only a boy, that there would be plenty of time for him to find someone. Where she came from, no one got married until they were over twenty. She did frown a moment after that, mumbling something about how the life expectancy was lower for people living in this era or something. He had no idea what she meant.

Before he could even fathom settling down, he needed a place to do so. To him, the slayer village was the most appropriate location. His sister had no idea he was conducting repairs on his own. She had no idea that all the money he received from his assignments was going towards rebuilding. It gave him a reason to live. It was a way for him to repent and ask for forgiveness from his fallen comrades. Although Sango insisted that it had not been his fault, he still felt pangs of guilt at the memories.

They gnawed at him, sometimes manifesting themselves in his dreams. Haunting him, swallowing whole, until he woke up in the middle of the night, drenched in sweat. This was another reason why he avoided visiting his sister. Whenever he had those nightmares, he felt weak and dependent, like a boy again.

* * *

 

"Kohaku-kun, are you all right?" A voice freed him from the darkness.

He opened his eyes suddenly and came face to face with Kagome. She had a concerned look on her face, and she had her hands on his. He grasped them and gave them a little squeeze.

"I'm fine now, Kagome-sama," he sat up, releasing her hands.

"You'd better change clothes. I'll go fetch you something. And I told you to drop the formalities! Just treat me like you would treat your sister." She grabbed the lantern that was illuminating their faces softly and left.

His eyes readjusted to the darkness. He felt empty knowing that she could disappear in just a fraction of a second,  a flame that could be easily extinguished with a mere breath of air. Following her instructions, he stood up and disrobed. He sat back down, wrapping himself in the blanket. Soon, the soft light was back, drawing his eyes in towards the priestess. She walked in with Miroku's old robes and handed them to him. Kohaku gratefully took them and expected her to leave, but she just stayed there with an expectant look on her face.

"I am thankful but," he sighed, "I am grown enough to dress myself."

"Oh, right I forgot!" She looked at him embarrassedly and then added with a hint of sadness, "You just... You remind me of my younger brother so much."

The tone of her voice compelled him to hold her. The weakness she was momentarily exhibiting sparked something inside of him. He wanted to protect her like she had protected him years back. If her problems were in the shape of a demon, he would have dispatched it long ago. But for now, this was the only form of comfort he could provide her. He felt useless as he held her in his arms.

"Kohaku-kun, your clothes!" her voice snapped him back to reality. "I'll... be leaving now," she said hesitantly, wrapping the blanket around his shoulders. They were about the same height now, he noticed. "Good night. Don't catch a cold, okay?"

He watched her slide the wooden panel open, her back facing him. "Kagome-sama," he said, emphasizing the honorific. "I am not your brother."

"Geez, I know, I was just joking! Sorry, did I upset you?" Kagome turned to face him, one hand on the door.

"I do not wish to be your brother," he averted his eyes from hers. "I never wish to be."

"I didn't mean to--"

"Please see me as a man."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I forgot."

The door slid open, and then closed again. The light from the lantern was gone now, taking her with it. The blanket fell from his shoulders and he stared at the door blankly, unsure of what she had _forgotten_ exactly. He did not mean to offend her. She just missed her brother, damn it. But he did not want to be her brother. He did not want to be a replacement. He wanted to be valued.

He had come to terms with his affection towards the priestess a year ago. He thought it would pass, like his temporary affections towards the village girls when he was younger. But these feelings did not. The closer he became to her, the less she treated him like a grown man, and he became increasingly frustrated. By giving his thoughts a voice, he now realized.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I probably didn't have to mention this, but in case my writing is terribly awful and you can't tell, the second part was a flashback.


	3. Strength

Kohaku was perplexed. Despite having learned to compose himself in unfavorable situations, he doubted he could control the rapid pounding of his heart when he remembered her. It was reminiscent of his first mission, the one at Naraku's castle. He had been so nervous he thought his heart was going to leap out of his chest. His family reassured him, but still, everything went wrong in ways neither of them could have ever fathomed.

When he saw her again for the first time in three years, he felt like time had stopped. And so had his heart. Then, it started again at an accelerated pace. His face flushed, his mouth went dry, he lost the ability to speak. He never thought a feeling this powerful could affect him this way. He swallowed hard and exhaled. Why her?

Kohaku honestly wondered if it was because she was one of the few girls he knew. His line of work allowed him to meet many people but he thought Kagome was the only one he got to know properly. Or was it because he was revived by Kikyou that he felt a connection to her reincarnation? He put a hand to his chest and felt his heart beat rhythmically. No, it could not be that. He did not want to be like _him_.

There were a few things Kohaku was sure of. He was certain he would not have chosen Kikyou over Kagome. Even though he had travelled with Kikyou for a longer time, he did not have proper interactions with her. They had a common goal, that was all. She was strong and her heart did not waver, but she only had eyes for the half-demon. And she was dead, he thought sadly. He would always be thankful for the life he was given.

Kagome herself had her own charms. When he was younger, he thought of her as a sister, but as time passed, he felt more drawn in towards her smile. He had never thought of her as a friend. If he had to put her under a category, he thought she would be placed under "family."

Now, at sixteen, he realized that when he meant family, he meant wife. He loved her like Miroku and Sango loved each other. He loved her like she loved Inuyasha. He loved her desperately, sadly, hopelessly. Yet another reason why he avoided the village.

When Kohaku asked himself why again, Totosai told him the story of Inuyasha's parents and how he came to be.

"Love is irrational," the smith had told him.

"It can also be a great driving force," Myouga added.

"Or weakness," Kohaku grimaced, remembering how Naraku tried so hard to get rid of his heart. How he had tried so hard to get rid of his feelings for Kikyou and how they had become his own undoing.

"Whatever it is you're facing, you may as well accept it." Totosai handed him his weapon. "Here, it's done."

Kohaku nodded his thanks and gripped it firmly, as if he were Naraku trying to destroy his own heart. The two demons were right, but even so, he did not understand what to do with this information. He weighed his options. Telling her how he felt would likely trouble her. He was sure she was in love with Inuyasha. Not telling her was a slow poison, eating away at his life bit by bit. Still, he could not ruin her happiness due to his own selfishness. He chose to keep quiet.

* * *

"Kohaku, you haven't been visiting as often lately. Don't overwork yourself."

"I'm fine," he replied to his sister.

In the small hut, she was changing her youngest child. He was already two years old, but his existence was still so very fragile. Kohaku watched her carefully wrap some white fabric around the toddler. He wondered if he would ever have kids someday, and who with. He turned red at the thought, hiding his face with his hands.

"Are you sure you're all right? You look sick. You should stay longer this time," Sango suggested as she looked back at him. "Or is there something I need to know?"

"I'm not sure what you're speaking of." Kohaku tried to answer calmly, putting his hands on his knees and sitting up straight. Maybe he looked a little bit too rigid.

"Well, I'm sure Miroku can give you advice when you need it."

"Advice? About what exactly?" He raised an eyebrow, confusion settling on his face.

"You know..." She lifted her son up in her arms.

"Oh."

Love. How had she read his mind?

"Though I wouldn't ask him how to propose. He did go around asking every girl to bear his child," she laughed. "Somehow he settled with me."

"He loves you," Kohaku said, feeling empty.

"Yes,"  Sango replied as she approached her brother. Freeing one arm, she stroked Kohaku's head. "You will find someone too."

"It's impossible."

"No, it's not." Her hand reached to his cheek. A warm droplet of water fell upon it. "What makes you think that?"

"It's impossible," he repeated again, uselessly.

Sango silently stroked her brother's cheek, attempting to calm him. She did not know what he meant by impossible.

He sobbed, his hands in tight fists still rested on his knees. Even in this moment of weakness, he attempted to display dignity. He was just accepting his fate, not lamenting it.

"Sango, is everything all right?" Kagome's voice called to them from outside. She must have heard his cries.

Kohaku quickly turned away from the doorway and attempted to gather himself. He could not show himself like that to the woman he loved.

"Oh yeah, Kohaku stubbed his foot. He started crying like a little baby."

"Really?" The wooden frame slid open and Kagome stepped in.  "Well, here are the clean cloths. Let me know if you need anything else washed. The weather's great today." She handed the bundle over to Sango and put a hand on Kohaku's shoulder, whispering, "Let me know if it hurts, okay? I know you've gotta be tough 'cause you're a slayer, but it's okay to cry."

At that, Kohaku felt like his tears would never stop flowing.


End file.
